remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize