yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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