I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
