i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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