...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize