If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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