Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize