Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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