So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
