I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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