Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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