I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
