Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
