someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
