This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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