It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
