My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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