Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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