So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
