chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
where are my eyebrows?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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