they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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