So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
