And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
