dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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