i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
