Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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