...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
