cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
