You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
