when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
