at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
