"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
