One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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