Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize