I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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