Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
