I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
