He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
