You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm always down for nudity.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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