I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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