I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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