3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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