My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
