I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
now i know why i became what i already was.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
