Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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