i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
