It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
