yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Text me some of your sweat
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