You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
