you have to choose: penises or morals?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
