He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
