I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize