apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
