I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When did angry sex become our thing?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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