What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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