I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
