we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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