when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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