HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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