It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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