I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
