He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
