Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
