haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
