I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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