I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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