When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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