I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
