Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
