it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
