I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
