all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
