Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
