oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
