Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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